I swear I am alive...

Months and months have passed, I only have a little cluster of following pals, so when in Rome, fall off the face of the Earth...

I Realize that I have felt dead for the better few of those months and only now am I finally ready to feel sunshine again.

I fell in love with a boy some years ago, played ring around the relationship, said boy left March 9, 2011. Yes, I remember the day! 2 1/2 years to the day we met. I remember the fucking day... anywhoooo. I look back on it now & I feel grateful, sparks booming out my ass kind of grateful.. It didn't end on an ugly note, not by any means. We kissed good bye on a Monday, never to speak again.

NOW... I share my new found wisdom.

• I won't be bitter, I shall treasure this knowledge and become a skeptic...
• I could be incredibly pissed off at the man or I could just be thankful. Thankful?? Yes.. Lucky my heart could hold so much emotion, lucky I could love someone far more than I adore myself, lucky at the chance.
• If a person wants out fore they believe there is green grass in there those hills out yonder, go eat that green grass Yak. & choke.
• If your friends call him, "Old Balls" Or "Dinosaur"... if he's 40 & you're 21 when you meet & he stares down your shirt all night, refers to your lady bits as, "Boo-sums"... don't hang on for years to come..

I know now my feelings are on the mend because he's just a memory now & the life we shared seems like a movie.

I have my moments of glory; a certain song, restaurant and driving down certain roads... memories creep up. For the most part, it feels like I've grieved a death.

I went on my tirade, he could never stand for me to nip my hair so when he vanished I had a brilliant stunning idea; I cut two inches off my hair! Oh yeah. I showed him alright. He never saw it & I wound up with some chop job. My graphic designing bfff even offered to make me a whole entire newspaper complete with his fake obit if it would just make me smile.

& Lastly, what made my little trek through Bullshit Ln. a bit more funniez, "Eat, Pray, Love". It taught me that it's okay to miss him. To miss anyone. You have that little moment, feel it for all it's worth, embrace it... then ball it up and send it towards them & drop it. Drop it.